


And the Horse you Rode in on

by Fandora



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 23:47:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9408101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandora/pseuds/Fandora
Summary: Camryn Trevelyan is dealing with the guilt of her trip in the fade, Cullen her ever Champion helps mend her heart, but she's carrying a secret that threatens to rip apart the fledgling relationship





	

Camryn Trevelyan flopped back across her bed, her hand splayed over her stomach. What was wrong with her, was she broken? Had the mark robbed her of the ability to feel empathy and love? Everyone kept asking her how she was doing? And giving her puppy eyes when she said she was fine, nodding at her answer like she was some brave soul? Varric couldn't look at her without looking like he was on the verge of tears. 

It had been weeks since she had abandoned him in the fade, The only thing that made her think she wasn't a completely heartless bitch were his eyes…His blue eyes tormented her every time she closed her own. Sleep came with a price, one she was slowly unwilling to pay. The shit part of being the inquisitor is you had to make the choices no one else ever wanted to, like leaving your lover in the Fade, because Maker forbid she should ever have nice things. 

Hawke had been with them for a couple months, coming and going from various things, it wasn't a love story for the ages, barely anyone even knew about them. Did she miss him, sure he was fun to talk too, challenging in the sparring ring, and the things that man could do with his fingers and tongue made her weep. 

He had shown up in her rooms the very first night he was at Skyhold, walking in like he owned the place. A decanter of Antivan whiskey and two tumblers in his hand the cocky smile. 

Looking across the room at her side table, the decanter and tumblers still sat there untouched from that first night. 

He came expecting to woo, but she wasn't some blushing virgin chantry girl. Fresh from a bath in only a towel, He stood there looking at her, the hunger radiated from him. They had flirted and verbally sparred over drinks in the tavern all night. She wanted what he was offering, Camryn’s eyes locked on his in a challenge as she simply dropped the towel, in the next moment he had her on her back on the bed screaming his name. 

Out of bed, few would know they were lovers, they didn't gush or paw at each other in the ramparts, it was ironically the guards who had tongues like kitchen maids gossiping about the Champion visiting the Inquisitors room in the late hours and not leaving until dawn looking very well fucked.

The night before the battle at Adamant she had laid naked in his arms, her body still vibrating in aftershocks from their activities of the last few hours. Fingers entwined he kissed the back of her hand “I feel like I should be making some declaration of my undying love in case one of us falls tomorrow.” Rolling over to her stomach resting her chin on his chest she looked up at him grinning “Well you could, but that's not who either of us really is. Hawke, you are an amazing man in many ways and together we are pretty amazing.” Straddling his lap she slowly slid down his cock both of them hissing as her swollen channel welcomed him into her. His eyes shifted from the usual cockiness in them she saw more, words she couldn't say reflected back at him in hers. Reaching up he cupped her cheek as they moved together, this time it was different it wasn't the acrobatics, and the frantic frenzy it had been for the last month. For the first time they transcended from sex and made love, the next morning she woke up in his arms for the first time, he didn't steal away in the night as she slept. Making love one last time, they both hated relinquishing the warmth of the bed but they also knew what they had to do wouldn't wait. Right before they walked down the stairs from her apartments standing in front of her fireplace he adjusted the buckles on her leathers needlessly, but his fingers needed something to do. 

Looking up into the endless blue pools she couldn't help but smile, something had changed in the darkness she just wasn't sure if it was for the better or not. Opening her mouth to speak Hawke silenced her by grabbing her shoulders and crushing his lips to hers when he pulled back she was stunned reaching up to caress his face it was these eyes that haunted her now, he caught her hand, pressing his lips to her wrist. Before she could regain her wits, he was gone. 

The rest is a blur, the historians can figure out the timeline, Insane Wardens, dragons, sucked into the fade and she still didn't know what the fuck the thing in the fade was. Whatever it was, it was the reason she was laying here alone. He never really gave her a choice, his final words to her were “doesn't matter who you choose, I'm staying the world needs the Wardens.” He kissed her one last time and shoved her at Alistair, Leaping backward taunting the creature. 

Did she miss him? Yes, had she loved him? People like her and Hawke didn't get the luxury of love that's why they were so good together they both understood, everything was here and now. 

Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes, pooling in her ears dampening her hair. Maybe if she said it out loud she might start to believe it. Frustration filling her, launching herself from her bed she screamed. Camryn’s body shaking as she howled ripping it from the very tips of her toes. Her eyes fell on the decanter again, anger and hatred flooded through her as she hurled the crystal goblets at the stone fireplace the explosion of the shattering glass fueling her the decanter in her hand she was poised to smash it in the fire. When she felt it snatched from her fingers, and strong arms wrapping around her holding her tight. 

Her Commanders lips pressed against her ear his voice filtering through her anger fog, the fight leaving her she sagged in his arms against his naked chest, as he slowly sunk to the floor holding her as tight as he could without crushing her his words noise in her head they didn't make sense. slowly focus came back and his mantra seeped in the rich baritone along with the rumble of his chest pressed into her back surrounded her. “You are safe, I have you, You are safe.” over and over, resting her head on his arm the numbness was gone, silent tears shook her body but his words in her hair never wavered never changed. 

She didn't know how long he held her on the stone floor, her legs had gone numb long ago. She vaguely remembered being carried to bed and the strong arms enveloping her again the mantra never stopping. Sleep mercifully took her, when she woke up she was alone. The only evidence that she hadn't dreamed it all, was the large dent in the pillow next to hers. 

 

Standing at her wash basin she was trying to tame her unruly dark locks they were uncooperative the best of days today she was seriously looking at her daggers wondering what she would look like bald. Giving up the fight she pulled them back as best she could with a leather tongle at the base of her neck. She was stalling and she knew it, even though she never once saw his face she knew exactly who had comforted her through the night she could still smell the spice from the hair oil he used on her pillow. It wasn't anything she had thought much of before last night, it was just how Cullen always smelled now taking a deep breath of her pillow she was filled with a sense of calm his words playing in her head again closing her eyes she repeated them out loud in a calming chant “You are safe, I have you…” She would have to face him sooner rather than later, she would go to his rooms later and explain in private… you know so things weren't weird between them. Her hand on the war room door she closed her eyes taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open, all eyes turned to her. Her hand fluttering to the back of her head, in nervous energy Josey and Leliana smiling Cullen nodded “Good morning Inquisitor, I trust you slept well?” 

Shoving the shock of his question away, the mantle of Inquisitor slipping seamlessly into place “Yes, thank you, Commander, good morning everyone, shall we get to it then?”

And just like that, it was like nothing happened. 

Camryn was walking with one of the men on patrol discussing different mounts and their strengths and weaknesses. 

Cullen happened to walk by his distinct scent filling her lungs she became distracted, nodding to each other “Inquisitor.” “Commander.” She wouldn't have thought much more of it if his knuckles hadn't ghosted over hers. Little things changed between them like when he took her to his childhood home and gave her a coin for good luck. 

The final battle was on the horizon you could feel it. Everyone was antsy things were too quiet, like a deep breath before the scream. 

Camryn was walking by his rooms in the middle of the night when she heard him. Whatever had him in its grips was ripping Cullen apart, the door was barred so she scaled the wall and dropped in through the giant hole in his roof landing on the floor next to his bed. He was covered in sweat the bed linens wrapped around him in whatever epic battle he was fighting in his mind. She didn't think she just reacted stripping down to her smalls, Camryn crawled into his bed it was her turn to wrap her body around him. Her lips at his ear she whispered “You are safe, I have you, You are safe.” smoothing back his hair she held him and repeated the message until his body stilled and his breathing returned to normal. They laid like that for awhile, her cheek resting on top of his head, words never ending, Camryn’s hand on his naked chest her breasts pressed into his back. Slowly his hand came up and covered hers. 

Her words faltered, When he rolled her under him she forgot what she was saying, looking up into his Amber pools she saw everything neither could say, mixed with the pain was so much need and hunger. Camryn's breath was ragged, all she could do was a nod in response, in one swift movement he had her smalls on the floor and he was sliding into her body, both of them crying out at his deep slow entrance. Wrapping her legs around him, his lips sought out hers. Her tongue thrusting into his mouth shattering what little control he had. Pinning her hands above her head he showed her what all those hours in the training ring and templar stamina really meant. Powerful thighs rocked against hers, tilting her hips pressing into her deeper, grinding against hers. 

They had been taking pleasure in each other's bodies for hours, finally sated wrapped in his arms, her head resting on his chest. Camryn felt him chuckle, tilting her head back she looked up at him. Cullen kissed her slowly “well… that was, that was something.” Smiling against his arm she nodded. 

This time it was his turn to wake up alone, wondering if she had been a dream. The love bites on his thighs, along with the scratches on his back were the only evidence of her having been there. 

This time it was her turn to ask him if he slept well with a knowing little smirk. Winking at her Cullen teased, “well I had the strangest dream, one I hope to have again.” 

One day slipped into the next, and while they saw each other often it was normally across the war table, or in a room full of people. She wanted to go to him but by the end of the week, the less sure she was that he was interested. 

The moment the sky lit up they knew it was time, the other shoe had fallen. Everyone knew what they needed to be doing, they had been ready for this moment for months. For the massive amount of people rushing about, Skyhold was eerily quiet, the impending battle looming literally overhead. 

She was sitting in her apartments at her desk writing letters to be dispatched in the event that … 

“Camryn.” 

Looking up from her papers at the sound of her name, it felt odd being alone with him, even though they had been together only a handful of days ago.

“Cullen?”

His hand on the railing at the top of her stairs, he seemed frozen in what to say next, he hadn't thought much past his need to see her before, well just before. Rubbing the back of his neck, stammering and blushing at her he was about to turn to leave. 

Scrambling for something to say that would make stay, standing up beside her desk, she called to him again, as she made her way over to him “Cullen, I, uh...I I’ve never seen you out of armor.” Stammering she blushed I mean well other than when we, cuz then well you kn…” Her words were cut off when he snatched her around her waist and kissed her deeply.

Melting into his arms, Camryn’s arms wrapping around his neck going on her tip toes. Her tongue caressing his, moaning against her lips, “Maker's breath I have missed you. I couldn't, I couldn't let you go tomorrow without.” 

“Cullen, stop talking.”

Both of them frantic they shed their clothing barely letting their lips part, stumbling further in the room. They managed to make it somehow to the bed, her hands carding through his hair as his name was torn from her lips, he had her milk white thighs spread wide, watching her as his tongue lapped at her heated flesh, fingers slipping into her wet channel slowly driving her insane.

“Cullen, please!”

Her juices coating his stubble “Please what Camryn?” 

Crawling up her body he held her thighs open, his thick cock pressing against her slick folds. “Please what Camryn? Tell me what you want.”

“You Cullen, I need you, please.”

Pinning her legs back he pressed slowly into her, feeling her tight walls give way and wrapping around him welcoming him into her. 

Camryn’s fingers skimmed over the scars on his back, moving with him, taking pleasure in his magnificent body. Crying out, they clung to each other, bodies shaking in release.

This time she woke up in his arms, slowly she eased up watching Cullen’s face so relaxed in sleep. Gently she eased the curl from his forehead, caressing his cheek. Gasping when his hand caught hers, his eyes still closed he brought her wrist to his lips. 

“Morning.” Rolling her on top of him as he thrust hard into her, they both knew it could be the last time. 

He hated everything about this, standing on top of the mage tower the wind whipping through the fur on his mantle as he watched her ride off with the Inquisition forces. They were just specks on the horizon but he refused to look away for even one second before he had to. She would come back, she had to come back, there was so much he needed to tell her.

Rattling around in the half empty keep he was slowly losing his mind, the rip in the sky had disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared, but there was no word. Leliana was losing patience with him pacing in her rookery making her birds anxious. Shoving him down the stairs “I will let you know the second I have word.”

She found him beating the crap out of a poor training dummy that had long been dead, 

“Cullen! Cullen, they are on their way back, should be here late tonight, she's ok they are all ok.” 

Snatching the parchment from Leliana’s fingers he scanned the words needing to see them for himself. Relief saturated his body making him lean against the stone wall, she was safe, she was coming back, he wouldn't waste time this time. 

It was a full day between the letter and their arrival, it happened in the wee hours of the morning but you would have thought it was high noon with a number of people milling about waiting for the forces to return. Cullen was anxious to be alone with her, frustrated that every time he tried to speak with her some noble would swoop in and interrupt them, her giving him a withering apologetic look he knew he needed to share, for the moment he was appeased just knowing that she was home here with him and she was safe. He spotted her stealing away to her rooms finally in the predawn hours, waiting a moment before he followed, he was waylaid by people stopping him for drunken congratulations. Extracting himself he managed to slip into her apartment door barring it at the bottom, there would be no more interruptions for them tonight. 

Calling up the stairs, “Camryn It’s Cull…” his words stopping abruptly, spotting her crumpled form on the floor. Running down the steps throwing open the door bellowing for Dorian. 

Pacing the length of her room Cullen refused to leave when Dorian examined her, she was fully awake and alert. Patting her hand Dorian stood up making the Commander rush to take his spot next to her on the bed. 

My dear, it's just exhaustion, you have been running ragged for a solid week now and in your condition, it was only a matter of time before you fell apart. Commander, honestly you should be looking after the mother of your child better than this, I told her over a month ago to take it easy. Now that the world is saved you two can celebrate your baby, knowing that the threat is gone.

She felt him tense beside her his hand tightened around hers slightly, the shock of the news radiated off him but. To outward appearances he was calm and no one was wise to the fact that this was the first he was hearing about a baby that couldn't possibly be his.

When everyone finally left them the news of the Inquisitor and Commanders baby was spreading quickly through the main hall, relief that she was ok and joy at another reason added to the list of many things to celebrate.

The latch to the door echoed in her apartments, She sat there tired barely keeping her eyes open. She needed to go to him to explain, he was still in the room she could feel him but he hadn't said a word since finding out about the baby. 

Cullen was standing on her balcony the cold air making his breath come in puffs as he clutched the railing. Tonight had not gone how he had expected, his hand absently touched the pocket that held the ring he had planned on giving her. But she wasn't his to have now was she, she carried another man's baby. The bile in his stomach bubbled up at the thought of someone else's hands on her body, where was this man? Some philanderer she met while on a mission, or was it someone here in Skyhold, had she played him for a fool?

His body went rigid when he felt her hands wrapping around him and her cheek pressed into his back, his whole body screamed escape he needed to get out before he said something he couldn't take back. 

Extracting himself he heard the apology perched on her lips in the sound of her voice, it was only one word but it told him everything he needed to know “Cullen?” 

Patting her hand he couldn't look at her, couldn't be here with her, the delicate ring suddenly heavy in his pocket extracting himself from her grasp, “You shouldn't be in this cold it's not good for the baby.” the last word bitter on his tongue as he strode from the room leaving her standing watching him flee.

Striding through the main hall, much to his chagrin the news of the Inquisitor's motherly condition had spread, drunk nobles were toasting him on the impending arrival of his first born. Every word cut deeper till he was at a full run across the ramparts slamming his door and barring it leaning against the wood. Defeated, he climbed the stairs to his loft dropping the ring with some loose coin on his dresser next to a button and random other equally unimportant objects.

Falling into his bed he laid there replaying their two nights together every gasp every moan, not once did she indicate she had another lover. A thousand things went through his head… had she been forced? Was it that handsey noble at the winter palace that kept trying to corner her? Or maybe it was someone here but if it was someone in Skyhold why hadn't he stepped up, why was he not at her side?

The pounding on his door drew him out of his thoughts he could hear her voice calling to him to open the door, He couldn't face her right now, laying back he ignored her pleas till she eventually gave up and went away.

For days he avoided her, the couple times he had to be in the war room with her he was the last to arrive and the first to leave refusing to talk or be alone with her. Still, the congratulations were poured on him from everyone even people he assumed would know he wasn't the father.

He left word with Leliana that he was going home for a few days if they needed him he was a raven away. 

Walking up the path to his childhood home still felt weird after so long being away, he had reconnected with his family in the almost two years he had been at Skyhold. It was the Inquisitor who had first invited his parents to Skyhold as a surprise for his birthday, she knew how hard it was to mend a rift when so much time has passed. 

“Mom, Dad? Are you here?” there was a faint voice from behind the cottage “back here son.”

His dad was on the back porch shelling peas. Smiling he dropped down on the seat beside him and picked up a bowl, they sat in silence like that for a solid half hour before his father spoke: “you want to tell me what's got you so worked up?”

Smiling at the bowl he shook his head “it's complicated.” 

The Sr. Rutherford simply nodded “yup I suspect it probably is, I suppose it's a good thing we've got allot of peas to shell then isn't it.”

Sighing Cullen opened the floodgates and told him about Camryn, and how he felt about her, and how he found out she had been carrying another man's child when she had been in his bed. How people assumed it was his, and how everything was ruined now.”

Sagging in his seat Cullen’s fingers working the peas into the bucket he, felt better and worse at the same time purging the weight he had carried since that night. What would his father think? Call him a fool?

Digesting everything his son had said, the man carefully weighed his words, “Well, I suspect I know what your momma would say if she was here, and that would be, talk to the girl, find out the truth before you condemn her. I would be inclined to say the same, you have a lot of questions, and it sounds like you're ready to hear the answers. Son you also need to ask yourself one, that only you can answer, are you upset that she is pregnant? Or are you upset that it's not yours? Is it the baby or the other man that has you tied in knots?”

Cullen was quiet at supper that night, thankfully his sister and her family joined them so Mia and his mother did most of the talking. He was pushing his mashed potatoes around on his plate when Mia dropped the bomb on him “So are you ever going to tell our parents the big news or do I have to do everything?” Cullen looked up confused “What?”

Rolling her eyes at him “Fine I will tell them then, so it seems our Commander here has gotten the Inquisitor in a family way.” 

Cullen shot up from the table knocking his chair back “don't you think I would have said something if that was the least bit true?” Throwing his napkin on the table, “I can't even get away from court gossips in my own damn home.”

Grabbing his jacket he stormed out he could hear his father telling Mia to let him go, he needed to find his peace.

He had been gone for hours, the chill in the evening air had set in but he was just sitting on the little dock he had fished on with his brother as a youth. He heard someone approach assuming it was Mia come to apologize. Turning to face her as he Spoke “Look, Mia, I didn't mean to yell… Camryn! What… what are you doing here?”

Sitting down next to him she didn't answer for a long time they just sat in silence her voice was soft like a caress on his skin “I remember when you brought me out here.” 

She fished in her pocket and handed him the coin he had given her “We had just lost Hawke in the fade, and I was feeling particularly broken like I couldn't do this anymore. And you… you had faith in me, faith that I would succeed it was in that moment that I fell in love with you, out here in this spot.”

The coin was warm like she had been clutching it in her hand, he traced the design on it studying the ridges with great interest. “You… you shared my bed and your body with me twice, both times you knew you carried another man's child, why didn't you tell me?” 

Camryn gave a sad chuckle “well Cullen we didn't really talk before either time and to be honest it wasn't at the forefront of my mind in the heat of the moment. Was it wrong of me not to tell you after? Yes, but I couldn't risk saying anything, can you look me in the eye and truthfully say had I told you or anyone else… you would have let me go do what had to be done?”

“Dorian was the only one who knew about the baby, I was barely pregnant when he told me after my trip in the fade. I was so scared for days after, I had already let their father die, I couldn't bare the thought of losing the baby too, that's why I stayed in Skyhold longer than normal I wanted to make sure they were healthy and secure inside me.” 

Taking a deep breath shoving back the tears that lately threatened to come all the time she continued. “That night you came to me when I was a wreck and you just held me. That was the first time I let myself feel the loss of Hawke, and know that he would never get to see his child. In that moment my heart broke, not because of some deep love for the man although I did care for him, but because I couldn't imagine doing this on my own. I can take out a high dragon and an Old god, but Motherhood has me terrified.”

His fingers closed over hers, he still hadn't looked at her but it was a start. Looking out across the water as he spoke “My father asked me a question today, one that I've been hard pressed to answer, that is until now. He asked me, is it the baby or the other man that has me tied in knots?”

His grip tightened on her hand and he brought it into his lap “I sat here tonight thinking of that question playing the week over in my head The irony of that night, I was coming to propose to you, when I got to the top of the stairs and saw you crumpled on the floor my heart stopped. I was finally able to breathe again when Dorian said you were going to be ok, and then the shock but overjoyed when Dorian congratulated us saying the baby was fine, until the timeline sunk in shouting that I was not the father. Then everything became cold and bitter, replaying our times together everything was tainted by another man’s claim on you. It drove me mad when everyone was telling me how happy they were we were having a baby…sitting here I realize it's not the baby I hate it's the thought that someone else could step into a role I didn't even know I wanted.”

Extracting her hand from his, she stood up. Worried he had upset her he stood to try and explain it better. Shaking her head as tears marred her cheeks she took his hands in hers holding them in front of her, Camryn took a deep breath trying to compose herself. 

“Cullen, I used to believe people like me didn't get to fall in love, marriage was for political and station gain, people like me didn't dare hope for love. I ran from that life looking for an adventure and I've managed to stumble my way into both. Cullen, I love you, and this baby, I know isn't yours but it is mine, and I'm all they have. I don't want to do this alone, but I know that if the Inquisition has taught me anything it's that someone will always have my back. I'm asking you, though.” 

Pausing in her tears, Camryn’s grip tightens on his hand as she gets down on one knee “Cullen Stanton Rutherford will you marry me, and help me raise this child along with any others the Maker sees fit to bless us with?”

She was looking up at him expectantly, shocked he finally snapped out of it pulling her to her feet and crushing his mouth to hers. 

Mia’s voice shouting across the lake “Makers Tears did he say yes or do I need to come over there?”

Looking down into her eyes Cullen couldn't help but smile “Makers Breath, Yes, Yes… YES!” 

Mia’s voice in the darkness shouting “It's about time.”

Camryn giggled as she brought Cullen’s lips back to hers “Yes, it is.”


End file.
